Well it was three and half years ago. I was accepted to one of the finnest universities in America and everything looked going well. My family immigrated to America when I was 13. I was not an American citizen, my family was not rich and I didn't have any special talents, so I thought the only way I could succeed was to study hard and achive my goal. I really wanted to be an aerospace engineer. I have loved airplanes since I was a little kid. I wanted to see an air plane taking off that I designed. So I studied so hard when I was in high school. As an immigrant, my English was not as good as other American kids, so I had to study much harder. I worked and studied so hard and I finally got accepted to a school I really wanted to go. My parents were proud of me and I thought my American dream was becoming true.
But it was a month before my first semister started. I just moved from Seattle to Boston to go to university. It was a beautiful city. The city was classic. I like the Red Sox and Fenway Park. I was a little bit excited and nervous about going to college so I couldn't sleep that night. I was watching TV until late and I finally watched a FOREX commercial on TV. It was about an computer program that can produce a lot of profit. People in the commercial said that they all make $3000 a week, $300 a day, and they all looked very happy. You all know that those TV commercials are scams but I don't know. I don't know why. Maybe that was because I had no money at the time. But I was lucky that I didn't have money to buy the program that costs several thousand dollars. So I just researched about FOREX that day.
After knowing about what FOREX is , I got really surprised. It sounded so sweet. Markets open 24 hrs, high leverages, you can even make profits when the market is going down.
I really thought I could make money very easily. I really thought I could be a millionaire. So I decided to withdraw from the university and started FOREX trading with my tuition. I really thought I could make lots of money in a year and could go back to the school or go to another fine university. But it was the dumbist decision I have ever made in my life and that is when the nightmare began.
I blew up some commision fees but I got $30000 back from the school. I got so excited and wired $10000 to my broker. But the problem is that I knew nothing about FOREX. You know what would happen next. I always watched 1 min charts and sold when it went down a little bit and bought when it went up little. I used to buy 10 lots at a time and I sometimes I lost $400 in just hours. I was really amazing that the market always went against me. I blew up $10000 in just two weeks. I got so depressed and disappointed. But I never gave up. I wired $12000 again. Because I learned some lessons, I traded less amount of volum at a time used some tricks that I learned.... Well it lasted a little bit longer.... Three months.... I was only 19 and I lost $22000 in just four months.... It was just huge for me.
Well.... I had to stop it at the time. But I couldn't. My parents still believed that I was going to college. My family is not rich. My father was a teacher and my mother was a housewife before my family immigrated to the States. They opened a small convenience store in Seattle after they landed in the country. My college tuition was what my parents have saved for their entire life. They even told me that they wouldn't have enough money for the second year so they would lend some money. They just devoted everything for me.
I just couldn't say them that I dropped out of school. I think the best thing I had to do was to stop trading with really money and go to college next year. If I really wanted to do FOREX, I had to start with a demo account and study it for a long time. But I was dumb. I really wanted to be rich. I wanted to buy a car like my friends. I really wanted to buy my own house. And I thought FOREX would make my dream come true. I was so dumb.
I kept trading with my real money and I blew up the rest of the money I had in another couple of months. I had no money. I had no food. I had no money to pay my bills. But I couldn't say it to my parents. I just went outside and started looking for a job. I finally found a job and I started working at a restaurant.
A couple of months after I got a job, my parents sent me the tuition for the second year. And I wired 15000 of it to my FOREX broker and I started trading again. But it always went against me. I lost money again again and agian. I tried to find a trick or a holy grail. I tried to find it so hard. I did everythin I could to find it. But no. It didn't exist. After seven months of bad trading, I lost most of the money again.
I don't know. It always went bad. I got so depressed. I didn't want to live. I even thought about suicide. I became alcoholic. After a while, I met my old friend on the internet and I found out that he moved to Canada. So I decided to go to Canada with the rest of money I had.
But it became worse. At least I was eligible to work in the US but I couln't even work in Canada. You need a social insurance number to work in Canada. But I don't have it. I am neither a Canadian citizen nor an immigrant in Canada. So I just had to survive with the money that I brought from America. So I moved back to Boston in a month.
Another year was passed again. My parents called me that they would send me a tuition again. I felt so sorry. And I couldn't receive that money. But I couldn't say that I was not going to the university neither. So I just told them that I would transfer to a cheaper university. I lied that it would be just $5000 a year.
I thought about going back to college but it had been more than two and half years since I graduated from highschool. I forgot everything I studied in highschool. I could't study everything and take SAT again. I was just busy to survive.
And I decided to go to Canada because their universities don't require your SAT score. So I went to a university in Canada. The tuition was twice more expensive than what Canadians pay because I was an international student in Canada. Anyways I started taking a computer science program. But after taking one semister, I decided to take a year off and think about what I really have to do because it was not really what I wanted to study. I always wanted to be an aerospace engineer.
After a while, I started FOREX trading again. I started with $3000 this time. I learned some skills that I learned from online forums. I didn't lose money for a long time but I didn't make much money neither. I made $3000 to $3200 in a couple of months. But when CAD/USD was 1.10, I thought it was a nice chance to buy USD/CAD. So I bought massive amount of USD/CAD. But it dropped to 0.91. I lost a lot of money but I thought it would go down more. I wired more money and sold massive amount of CAD/USD this time. But it went up to 1.01 this time and I got a margin call and lost lots of money. You know I learned how to use a stop lose but I couldn't contol myself.
I'm completely broken now. I only have $500 in my bank account. They don't even allow me to work in Canada. I don't know how to survive.
I don't know what to do now. I have been trading FOREX for more than three years but I haven't learn much. It is hard. And I don't really want to risk my money again. It was harsh. I can study FOREX but it just makes me crazy and depressed everytime I see it because it reminds me all the money that I lost and everything that I went through. I am just busy to survive now.
And I got a call from my father two weeks ago. He told me that my mother got a cancer. It is just harsh.
I don't know. Maybe she could die. And she would never know that I did this and I can't even say it. I just feel so sorry.
I feel like I am a bad guy and I am a loser. I blew up the money that my parents have saved for a long time. I blew up my dream.
I don't know what to do now. It is just harsh. I'm so depressed. It is Christmas today and I'm just crying alone. I want to drink some whiskey but I have save money to survive.
But it was a month before my first semister started. I just moved from Seattle to Boston to go to university. It was a beautiful city. The city was classic. I like the Red Sox and Fenway Park. I was a little bit excited and nervous about going to college so I couldn't sleep that night. I was watching TV until late and I finally watched a FOREX commercial on TV. It was about an computer program that can produce a lot of profit. People in the commercial said that they all make $3000 a week, $300 a day, and they all looked very happy. You all know that those TV commercials are scams but I don't know. I don't know why. Maybe that was because I had no money at the time. But I was lucky that I didn't have money to buy the program that costs several thousand dollars. So I just researched about FOREX that day.
After knowing about what FOREX is , I got really surprised. It sounded so sweet. Markets open 24 hrs, high leverages, you can even make profits when the market is going down.
I really thought I could make money very easily. I really thought I could be a millionaire. So I decided to withdraw from the university and started FOREX trading with my tuition. I really thought I could make lots of money in a year and could go back to the school or go to another fine university. But it was the dumbist decision I have ever made in my life and that is when the nightmare began.
I blew up some commision fees but I got $30000 back from the school. I got so excited and wired $10000 to my broker. But the problem is that I knew nothing about FOREX. You know what would happen next. I always watched 1 min charts and sold when it went down a little bit and bought when it went up little. I used to buy 10 lots at a time and I sometimes I lost $400 in just hours. I was really amazing that the market always went against me. I blew up $10000 in just two weeks. I got so depressed and disappointed. But I never gave up. I wired $12000 again. Because I learned some lessons, I traded less amount of volum at a time used some tricks that I learned.... Well it lasted a little bit longer.... Three months.... I was only 19 and I lost $22000 in just four months.... It was just huge for me.
Well.... I had to stop it at the time. But I couldn't. My parents still believed that I was going to college. My family is not rich. My father was a teacher and my mother was a housewife before my family immigrated to the States. They opened a small convenience store in Seattle after they landed in the country. My college tuition was what my parents have saved for their entire life. They even told me that they wouldn't have enough money for the second year so they would lend some money. They just devoted everything for me.
I just couldn't say them that I dropped out of school. I think the best thing I had to do was to stop trading with really money and go to college next year. If I really wanted to do FOREX, I had to start with a demo account and study it for a long time. But I was dumb. I really wanted to be rich. I wanted to buy a car like my friends. I really wanted to buy my own house. And I thought FOREX would make my dream come true. I was so dumb.
I kept trading with my real money and I blew up the rest of the money I had in another couple of months. I had no money. I had no food. I had no money to pay my bills. But I couldn't say it to my parents. I just went outside and started looking for a job. I finally found a job and I started working at a restaurant.
A couple of months after I got a job, my parents sent me the tuition for the second year. And I wired 15000 of it to my FOREX broker and I started trading again. But it always went against me. I lost money again again and agian. I tried to find a trick or a holy grail. I tried to find it so hard. I did everythin I could to find it. But no. It didn't exist. After seven months of bad trading, I lost most of the money again.
I don't know. It always went bad. I got so depressed. I didn't want to live. I even thought about suicide. I became alcoholic. After a while, I met my old friend on the internet and I found out that he moved to Canada. So I decided to go to Canada with the rest of money I had.
But it became worse. At least I was eligible to work in the US but I couln't even work in Canada. You need a social insurance number to work in Canada. But I don't have it. I am neither a Canadian citizen nor an immigrant in Canada. So I just had to survive with the money that I brought from America. So I moved back to Boston in a month.
Another year was passed again. My parents called me that they would send me a tuition again. I felt so sorry. And I couldn't receive that money. But I couldn't say that I was not going to the university neither. So I just told them that I would transfer to a cheaper university. I lied that it would be just $5000 a year.
I thought about going back to college but it had been more than two and half years since I graduated from highschool. I forgot everything I studied in highschool. I could't study everything and take SAT again. I was just busy to survive.
And I decided to go to Canada because their universities don't require your SAT score. So I went to a university in Canada. The tuition was twice more expensive than what Canadians pay because I was an international student in Canada. Anyways I started taking a computer science program. But after taking one semister, I decided to take a year off and think about what I really have to do because it was not really what I wanted to study. I always wanted to be an aerospace engineer.
After a while, I started FOREX trading again. I started with $3000 this time. I learned some skills that I learned from online forums. I didn't lose money for a long time but I didn't make much money neither. I made $3000 to $3200 in a couple of months. But when CAD/USD was 1.10, I thought it was a nice chance to buy USD/CAD. So I bought massive amount of USD/CAD. But it dropped to 0.91. I lost a lot of money but I thought it would go down more. I wired more money and sold massive amount of CAD/USD this time. But it went up to 1.01 this time and I got a margin call and lost lots of money. You know I learned how to use a stop lose but I couldn't contol myself.
I'm completely broken now. I only have $500 in my bank account. They don't even allow me to work in Canada. I don't know how to survive.
I don't know what to do now. I have been trading FOREX for more than three years but I haven't learn much. It is hard. And I don't really want to risk my money again. It was harsh. I can study FOREX but it just makes me crazy and depressed everytime I see it because it reminds me all the money that I lost and everything that I went through. I am just busy to survive now.
And I got a call from my father two weeks ago. He told me that my mother got a cancer. It is just harsh.
I don't know. Maybe she could die. And she would never know that I did this and I can't even say it. I just feel so sorry.
I feel like I am a bad guy and I am a loser. I blew up the money that my parents have saved for a long time. I blew up my dream.
I don't know what to do now. It is just harsh. I'm so depressed. It is Christmas today and I'm just crying alone. I want to drink some whiskey but I have save money to survive.
When I buy it, it moves down.
When I sell it, it moves up.